love is the lighter load to carry

A friend of mine reached out to me this week because she seemed to have been in the middle of an anxiety attack.
Now, I have been working very hard on tackling my own  anxiety related episodes  so it was easy for me to relate and walk her through a healing pattern. More than anything, I identified with the lack of patience she had for herself. I feel that when it comes to anxiety, a  lack of patience and lack of love for oneself  is the main problem. She was sick of her own complaints and was sick of having yet another anxiety attack. This is usually what happens when we have prolonged self-loathing patterns. We hit our cap and get sick of ourselves. We hold it in and fight our natural feelings and thoughts. You wake up sad and you say “No, stop being sad, you have nothing to be sad about!”
Here’s the thing, the fight is useless. You wake up sad, you need to say, you’re sad. It’s okay. It’s still psosible to have a good day, it’s okay, sweetie. Just like you would tell a friend.
Once we explode, we continue by blaming and badgering ourselves; this creates a vicious and never-ending cycle of self critique.
Here’s her mellow drama broken out. If you drop the walls down, slowly, the light comes in and you easier to see it’s all self created.

1. Work & School: You need to focus on the task at hand. Forget about the future. Focus on the task and the homework for today. Whether it’s school or work, focus on the tasks, not the promotions or the grades. If we live everyday with love and passion, the result will come on it’s own. Everything else needs to be put to the side. Do the leg work. We cannot be anxious about the future if we are focusing on working in the present. If the work you do today doesn’t lead you to a result that you want, you either change your format or try something else. But for now, do the leg work. Forget the result, the result is implied.

2. Love, to not have love in one’s life is difficult. Unrequited love is little harder to bear because there is someone to focus the pain on. If they are with someone, you loathe their relationship and blame someone for it. If they are alone, you want information and answers- always focusing on WHY NOT?!
But just because this person or no person is knocking on your door at the moment, doesn’t mean anything. People have knocked before and will again. Someone loved you once and will again but for now, that particular story is over or gone.
Stop resisting the reality that you do not feel that love in your life anymore. Stop drilling it into your system. Just accept. Say out loud “It kills me that I am alone and I’m not feeling drenched in someone’s love but… I will survive this because this too, shall pass.” You also need to realize that being with someone does not complete you and sometimes loving yourself and drenching yourself with kindness and love usually mends all wounds of the heart.
3. Your value has nothing to do with your concerns. Nothing at all. We try to reach a state of enlightenment without realizing that if we calm down and if we try.. just try silence the mind, enlightenment is already with us. It is the like the mute button inside of us. It is always there, but we never use it. When we do want to access this “enlightenment”, all we need to do to reach it is turn off the noise. Turn off the thoughts. Accept and let go.
Your anxiety revolves around you trying to control your feelings and your reactions to things. You want to react like A not like B. However, a better solution might be… whether A or B comes, tackle it with patience and love. You can’t predict how you feel, but you can change the way that you process it.
Wanting to quit is a normal reaction to feeling that everything in your life is failing. You want to start from scratch because we usually tend to feel that if we start again we can begin with control again and hold on to it. But this is a figment of our imagination. Control is never ours, the only thing we can control are the thoughts that affect us. You need to break away from this ideal because it’s only a pedestal thought. It’s seducing but not real. This will happen again if you run away and when you are miles from this problem, the first thing you will think is… maybe, I shouldn’t have panicked. Maybe it really wasn’t as bad as I made it. 

About Antonella Saravia

Antonella is a freelance writer. Graduated from Purdue University, Antonella is based out of New York City and Nicaragua, where she was raised. Follow her via Twitter @tonesaravia & Instagram via @tsaravia.

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