Today, I woke up feeling sorry for myself. A mountain of feelings swept over me as I got out of bed. I didn’t want to go running but I should. My computer crashed last night and I didn’t want to go fix it. I had mixed feelings about my past relationship that were pulling me down. I had gone to bed with a great deal of anxiety about work. Would my review go well on Monday? If it did, would that mean more responsibility? Would that increase my chances of making huge mistakes? I woke up feeling sorry for myself and found myself frustrated and confused as to why I was not appreciating a perfectly good Saturday morning.
I decided to fix the computer first. Check. (+3 points)
As the computer restored itself, I cleaned the living room; something I had been planning to do for months. Check. (+2 points)
After lunch, my mother, who is visiting, sat down to read a coffee table book I had had printed with quotes and inspirational images. On page 5 lay a tinted picture of myself with the quote “’till I make it on my own” from The Beatles. She looked at me and as she circled the quote with her finger, she said “you’re living this now, you know?”
She was right. These doubts and feelings were rooting from the growing pains of the old me. The fears that I used to live with day in and day out were trying to find a new place in my life. I realized that I had to be less sensitive to their presence; I am the one that gives them power and shelter.
We all have things we are out growing. Somedays, they catch us off guard and try to blind us. It’s important to regroup. Do something that allows you to clear your mind. Clean something, exercise, or fix something; participate in an activity that allows the feeling of being “stuck” to shatter. The progress of your activities will push you towards the light.
With that said, I’m off to buy some paint. The new me requires a little more color.
May you have the loveliest of Saturdays,