the crave

As I sat in church on Saturday afternoon, a part of me drifted off and began to think about …. well, honestly, I was thinking about who would send me a message or call while I was unavailable. That’s the truth. Yes, I have the single fever; this is when the phone is the most important device in your life and every missed call is worth a look. Whether there’s a dog attacking attacking one of your limbs or a bucket of coffee about to spill all over your favorite coat, you check that baby out for messages or calls. I’m sure I’ll go back to normal one day but after five years in the dark, let me have my high school thrill without judgement, mmmk?

Anyway, as I was saying, I was day dreaming about something adventurous showing up on my screen once I exited mass.  I was also trying to prepare myself for the unspeakable tragedy of there being 0 MISSED CALLS. And then, the oddest thing happened, I started noticing couples everywhere. It made me feel weird because I had no interest to be paired up. I had no interest to be removed from this high school fun. I had no interest in settling down or growing up for someone yet I was waiting on calls? It’s the first time I had ever truly thought Please God, don’t send me the love of my life right now. I don’t want it right now, I’d ruin it for sure with this tiny broken heart of mine. 
Could it be? Has the most googlied-eyed romantic taken the bench? I can’t say for sure but it sure feels that way. I think it’s also when I realized that in the end… the text messages and missed calls were fun but in the end, they were smaller doses of a big picture I was not ready for. I needed this all to come out before I was ready for anything to come in.
This got me to thinking…how often do we complain and beg for something to show up in our lives … and we aren’t even ready for it? How often is it more about the idea that something is missing than it actually being needed? Take a moment to think about something you complain about. Are you even ready for it? If not, you should focus on the lessons you need to be experiencing to get there. That’s where you really are. If life is about the journey, we should be focusing on the steps of the ladder we’re actually on rather than the floors we’re hoping to reach. Let the arrival surprise you as sing and dance your way up to the next phase of your life.
Suddenly, I realized, here’s a bad habit. I’m not being present and it’s important that I work on calming my ego. It was natural for me to want someone to call me. It’s natural for me to want people to seek me out but I know that it’s not what I need and that should be enough to stomp the ego from spiraling out and craving more from the universe when I’m not open to it.
My lesson: Forget about the phone if you’re not ready for the call. Stop making this personal. As hard as it may be …let the ego goooo.
What are you craving?
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About Antonella Saravia

Antonella is a freelance writer. Graduated from Purdue University, Antonella is based out of New York City and Nicaragua, where she was raised. Follow her via Twitter @tonesaravia & Instagram via @tsaravia.

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