the case of the super single

I am what one might call a “super single.” Allow me to elaborate on what this means if you are feeling a bit confused. It is not the mingling that some do. It’s not being single and dating casually. It’s not any of the mate-seeking rituals that singles partake in. This is different. Unlike some people, I do not use the word super casually. Super single means that the most romantic text you’re getting is from your mother. For the super single, all cell phone activity dies off at about 8pm on school nights and blows up during the weekends. On Saturday nights, the rest of the world is acting grown-up at dinner while you’re reliving your college days (not the good ones). Your adrenaline rushes usually revolve around food. Romantic movies don’t do it anymore unless the kissing is unexpected and explosive. In movies, when people say I love you while crying that’s your cue to take that long-awaited trip to the bathroom. You would jump in a car on any given Friday and road trip with Beetlejuice himself if it meant an adventure. No charger? It’s okay! The only person you’d have to text is your mom saying, Be out for 2 days, no cell, not dead. Love you!

When you’re super single no matter what the occasion (Valentines, Birthdays, etc.) you don’t get any presents, a term that I would renegotiate had I arrived sooner. This is the face I would have made while negotiating (a skill I picked up when I belonged to the couple’s world). I’m taking this one with me.

But because no presents are ever guaranteed, you, little Ms. Sunshine, will begin to pick up a few tricks.  As you begin to shed the habits of your past relationship, the super single you will begin to take over your life like a Power Ranger’s transformation scene. You will find that you have a serious case of the “fuck-its.” You’ll start breaking some of the rules, you’ll start splurging a little more on yourself, and you’ll get a little more selfish meal by meal. Exhibit A: you stop leaving that 2nd spring roll as a leftover. Now, you dip that baby in sauce and you eat it. You don’t even look around to see if anyone needs that last scoop of goo. It’s yours & you know it now. If someone new ever comes along and you don’t want to share, let’s just call it what it is… not love.

You’ll learn to enjoy spending money on those things that you used to get for free. You’ll even spend without anyone even noticing. You start going through your contacts picking randos to have brunch with. I mean, why not? Haven’t seen her a year. She might be fun. Which reminds me— sleepovers are fun again. You’ll find that you are much more resourceful in finding ways to entertain yourself. People will start to reach out to you because you’ve just become the newest +1 on the market. Say hello to free US Open tickets.

More importantly, if you ever find yourself at a karaoke bar you, my friend, have the right to pull away the microphone when “Here I Go Again” comes on. Yes, that IS your song! DO IT.

And although love stories don’t have that Disney effect that they once did, there are new things that will begin to fascinate you. You begin to appreciate JoJo, Destiny’s Child, &… (wait for it) Brandy again. You’ll stop asking, “who listens to this?” because you’ll realize… super single people do. The Dog Days Are Over is guaranteed to cleanse your soul and you’ll find that Katy Perry was right: there is a part of you that no one can have.

I don’t know why, but you may start exploring new types of liquor. I guess yesterday’s poison knows nothing of the new you. Also, wine & Flo Rida do not mix well.

Lastly, the greatest part about being single is that once you get over the “being alone” part… it’s nice. Dating yourself is nice. And it’s great when you suddenly realize you are your own favorite person. In time, you’ll learn to treat yourself that way. After all, that is probably why the universe conspired to get you here. To this place. At this moment.

I realized it while watching Catch & Release (which happens to have one of the best kissing scenes ever) on a random Saturday night. I was in bed with a bag of super chewy choco-chip cookies when someone texted me. To my surprise, I didn’t reach for my phone. Thank you, but no. I had cookies and movies and that’s all I needed/wanted for the night.

If you do this side right, you will know why you needed this space. Your heart will be light and you’ll live every moment for what it is because you’ll have understood the most important lesson of all: you have no control. You don’t even know when this very phase will end, because unlike a breakup you won’t see change coming. At any given moment, you can meet someone. BAM! Suddenly you care again and the phone matters now. Your super single phase can be over at the drop of a hat.  So savor it, troops.

I know that the dark entrance to this world is scary, but that’s only the doorway. I’ve held on to the sides of this cave as I’ve walked through it, but I gotta say… the music is better on this side if you have the guts to walk the whole way through. Some of us even share food (single people love cookies). Oh… and we have cocktails! Lots of cocktails.

So, don’t be afraid. Follow the light ’cause I gotta feeling you’re gonna like it here & I have a table in the back. So I hope you can make it.

Stars to you,

B

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About Antonella Saravia

Antonella is a freelance writer. Graduated from Purdue University, Antonella is based out of New York City and Nicaragua, where she was raised. Follow her via Twitter @tonesaravia & Instagram via @tsaravia.

6 comments

  1. Hi there! I’m a friend of Marcella’s – and she shared this post with me when I needed it most. Since then, I’ve been perusing your blog and I love it. I’ve saved this post on my computer. Thank you!

    heres to fightin the good fight & loving yourself more and more…
    Melissa

    • Melissa, Thanks for this. It meant so much and I’m saving it for a rainy day. I’m glad that this post meant something to you. It’s one of my favorites because it was tough to write. It’s a scary fight but it’s one of the only ones that are worth the bruises. Thank you reading, I’m looking forward to your writing. Please feel free to drop by and leave thoughts, suggestions, or comments. It always makes a difference.

      Un gran abrazo, Tone

  2. Ms. A — siglos de los siglos AMEN! mucho tiempo sin saber de ti hasta cuando hable con Maru hace una semana…ella me compartió tu blog y tengo que decir que me llego este post en particular y el de “let it be”….yo hasta ahora voy por mitad del camino de salida de “la caverna” de la que hablas en este escrito……y hasta ahora comienzo a ver la luzz….osea, si…creo que he empezado a tener esos “síntomas” de super single……tu perspectiva resuena mucho con mi realidad actual…aunque nunca fuimos extremadamente cercanas, te envió un abrazo de oso y buenas vibras – que sigan transpirando mas y mas monólogos inspiradores como este! xoxo!

    -Eliana

    • Ms. E,

      Tengo muchisismo tiempo de no hablar con vos, pero que manera de comenzar otra vez. 🙂 Gracias por tus palabras. Las necesitaba. Me alegra mucho que te haya gustado el blog y que te pudistes identificar con un post tan positivo. The light is out there, we just have to be patient. Te mando un gran abrazo y todo el apoyo del mundo. We’re all in this together.

      Tone

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