the bird

I was on the phone for an hour and a half yesterday. It must be said that I don’t like talking on the phone. I hate it because I cannot multi-task while I am on the phone. There is something about talking that limits my mind’s ability to jump around. Despite having a lot to do, I ignored it all and enjoyed a very long chat on the phone with a friend. My friend, let’s call him Q,  has come in and out of my life throughout the years, but it’s always amazing when we find each other again. We’re both very whimsical, you see, so it was very hard to put the phone down when he got me talking about big stuff.

We spoke about life, love, and the awakening that tends to sneak up on us every few years. It didn’t take long for the hypothetical scenarios to surface— it didn’t take long at all. “So, what animal do you think represents you best in this phase?” he asked. Expecting confusion, he began to elaborate, but I interrupted— “Actually, I have already thought of this. I even wrote a story about it,” I responded. “I am a bird,” I said.

Allow me to explain. For the past several years, I felt as if I was playing a role. Whenever I was on “land” it seemed off. There was something wrong about it. There was something wrong about it for me. I would often gaze out into the sky and wonder how people felt so comfortable in their own skin. Somewhere in this confusion, I must have tripped and seen my reflection. Would you believe it? I am f %^king bird! I’m not a tiger or fox, I’m a f %^king bird! All this time….!

You see, I didn’t belong on land. I was ready to burst into the sky but I thought it was a ridiculous thing to want. I have a bird’s-eye view of life that I was not exercising and it was frustrating me to my very core. I have wings I wasn’t using and I was doing more leg work than was required in my life. Since realizing this, I have been soaring. Life is not safer up here. Storms still hit and the wind fights you on any given day, but this is where I belong. I belong where the wind hits first. I belong against the wind, for now.

It was time to surround myself with the less practical, more whimsical life of art. A life that is in the air and offers no safety net. The kind of life that requires that you know when to ground yourself for the danger and when to continue on for the adventure.

I’ve discovered that as a bird, though I would travel anywhere to see you, I can only carry my own weight. I travel alone and light. For love, I can no longer come down. If someone wants to find me, they’ll have to look for me up there, in the clouds.

Q said, “You need to trust your animal. You need to know your strengths and your weaknesses. You won’t be this animal forever. Like everything else in life, this phase will end, but for now, this is what you are. So, be it.”

Be true to your present self and choose wisely. Deciding will require that you let go of the past. Whatever you are today, you’ve never been before. Whatever you were yesterday, you’ll never be again. Embrace your moment because another will come soon. So, my dear little mangoes, find out what you are. I know you’re thinking about it now. It’s a childish question we all want to ask. It’s a fun question to answer. Whatever it is… go be it. Oh, and the next time you feel weird, remind yourself of what you are, like Q does when the going gets rough— “I’m a f$%^king dragon.”

So, what will it be, folks? The world is waiting…

Je vol quand j’escris.

I fly when I write.

Tone

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About Antonella Saravia

Antonella is a freelance writer. Graduated from Purdue University, Antonella is based out of New York City and Nicaragua, where she was raised. Follow her via Twitter @tonesaravia & Instagram via @tsaravia.

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