At the end of this week I found myself dealing with an issue that left me short of breath. I felt overwhelmed and I found myself feeling very lost. To my surprise, my best friend, California felt the same way with a personal issue she’s been having.
We took a long walk on Thursday reviewing both of our troubles. The panic was the same as it’s always been. We were both flustered, we were anxious, and both of us wanted cigarettes. A year ago, the same thing would have occurred. However, as the weekend faded in, I noticed a change in both of our attitudes. We discussed how we felt, we pulled insights to how we could change the course of our situations, and we focused on the solution rather than the problem.
It’s Saturday morning and after having a long conversation with my journal, I can say that things have changed. In being more open about my feelings, faults, and goals I am now able to process a once paralyzing dilemma differently.
How did this change? Well, in making an effort to get to know myself, I have come to be more open about my faults. In knowing them, it’s easier for me to acknowledge what I can control and what it out of my hands instead of snowballing them both together. I used to run from the truth, all of us do it, because it’s usually when we acknowledge them that we’re faced with the decision to work through them or not.
Life is hard and no matter who you are issues and anxieties surface when life hits a soft spot. This is something that will never change. We’re foolish to think “OMG, it’s happening again, I’m doomed” every time we feel anxious. I think feeling anxious is actually good. It means that we are in tune enough with ourselves to know that something in our lives is causing discomfort. The problem arrives when we don’t take the time to sit down and find out why. The point of life is to find out what’s underneath it. When we don’t do that, we are not evolving.
The issues that I faced this week would have paralyzed me last year. They would have kept me in bed the entire weekend. This would have occurred because I probably would not have done the work required to find out why I was feeling anxious. I would have just had a series of negative thoughts, believed them, and labeled myself a mess. This is the most destructive thing we can do and it will guarantee a never ending cycle of self loathing.
We’re supposed to feel anxious. We’re supposed to feel scared. Had someone told me this years ago, I may have saved myself a sh*t load of money and time, but it took overcoming seemingly impossible situations to realize it. The funny thing is that we avoid the truth and it’s precisely what causes the worse to snowball.
I woke up feeling anxious today. I felt so sad and lost. My parents called. I didn’t want to talk becuase I knew they would tell me something I didn’t want to face, but I answered anyway. To my surprise, after the hot flashes, I felt better because it helped me see that the truth was not as scary as I thought it would be. Then, I made myself coffee and sat down with my journal. I feel different now. I feel free of my anxieties and though I still have concerns, I trust myself enough to know that there is something I can do, an attitude I can take, to change the course of this dilemma. There is always something to do. There is always something to learn, what you have to ask yourself is… are you opening yourself to it?
Life is hard and bad weather is inevitable. The point isn’t to avoid the bad weather. There is no use in fighting it, but putting on some gear would be helpful, don’t you think?
What do you do when it rains? Curse at it and pretend it’s not there? The only place that gets you is grumpy and wet. Think about it.