the narrow path

A long, long time ago, I was a mess. I had lots of ideas and I didn’t have the discipline or confidence to really pursue any of the projects I craved so badly. In time, I have changed that. The frustration and boredom in my life slowly went uncovering a hunger that push me forward. It’s been a very slow process as I have discovered that modifying one’s habits takes time. Our habits are tangled up with more than one would initially think. A habit is a braid of our thinking and our actions. Both must change in order for a new habit to emerge.

I decided I wanted to be a writer a long time ago, but with that decision came more than I expected. After a few months passed, I needed to define myself a little more. I wasn’t making the progress I wanted, so I decided that I wanted to be a good writer. I was forced to accept that I was not doing the work required to get there. I knew the only way was to do this gracefully. I found peace in working under a kind of graceful discipline. What happened was that I needed to learn to make the time to do the leg work. Once I did that, I had to learn to stick to it. That’s when I could feel things begin to change. Slowly but surely, my writing has improved.

I wanted to cancel a lot, but I tried to trust the new way. The old format hadn’t gotten me very far.

I am fairly disciplined in most of the areas of my life. I do good work. I focus on my tasks and work hard at the goals that I set for myself. However, someone has recently asked me to be exceptional at something. This has caused me a great deal of stress. Actually, I’ve been very anxious because of all the things I’ve ever been asked, exceptional has never been one.

I realize now that I have never tried to be exceptional at anything. I now see that “good” was where I stopped. I guess I thought it was enough then. Now that I am good, it’s scary to consider another area… the unknown path. Can I be exceptional? Does someone really think I have the potential for this?

I’ve been trying so hard to be good at so many things and now that I am, I guess that the path has narrowed. We can only be great at a few things… I think I am ready. If I am not, it won’t be because I didn’t try.

Photograph by A. Saravia

The journey begins… we will see. Will you join me?

Tone

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About Antonella Saravia

Antonella is a freelance writer. Graduated from Purdue University, Antonella is based out of New York City and Nicaragua, where she was raised. Follow her via Twitter @tonesaravia & Instagram via @tsaravia.

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