I recently discovered that I have been trying to answer questions that do not need answering. Not yet, anyway. There are these areas in my life that I had been forcing myself to understand and accept. I had some clarity as I was watching Eat, Pray, Love this evening (yes, again) and I jumped out of bed to write it all down.
For whatever reason, the universe takes certain things from us. The universe moves pieces on the board so that some can be found in the light, while others stand in the dark. Lets call these the light and shadow pieces.
A light piece is something that is currently in our path. It has arrived gracefully. This is something that we can sense is healthy for us; it is there to move us forward. It is not being forced, it is not causing guilt, but it may cause a great deal of fear. These pieces promote growth and self-discovery. We know what these pieces are the same way we know what color we prefer, when we’re in love for the first time, and what our favorite ice cream flavor. We know because it’s our gut.
A shadow piece is something that no longer fits. Not fitting is not a permanent status, it merely does not fit in that moment. Whether it’s an old habit or a person; we know it’s not healthy for us. It’s not there to move you forward and although it won’t pull you back, it’ll always stunt growth. I suspect it’s because we’re so busy trying to drag it into the light that there is no time to work on ourselves. We lose ourselves in the fight of trying to change time and it’s “meant to be” parts. I think we usually stick to the shadow pieces because we’re afraid of the light. We’re afraid to be seen. We’re afraid of our light.
Experimenting is an inevitable way for us to discover which pieces we are holding. When we realize we are holding on to a shadow piece, our initial reaction is that of shame. However, there is no shame in this. Pieces that used to be in the light are dragged into the dark all the time. I suspect we will find the same amount of confusion when these shadow pieces find their way back into the light of our path.
I think when we engage with these shadow pieces, it’s the universe saying, “Yes, this exists, but the darkness is what you’ll have to endure if you decide to hold on to something that is not meant to be right now.”
After writing this, I took a deep breath. I am no longer afraid of what is in the dark. I am no longer afraid to try what is in the light. I want to be fully aware of this as I continue to move forward. There will be moments when I am lost, when the comfort of the shade may lure me in, but if I pay attention to my gut, I will know that this is not where I need to be. I will know to go back.
I think most of us lose ourselves in the guilt of being in the darkness, but like the pieces, we are randomly dragged into the dark from one minute to the next. The universe is not always polite to inform us that it is changing. We simply need to pay attention and adjust when we realize it.
I will tell you this, no matter how many times I have thought something wasn’t meant to be, it has somehow, eventually found it’s way back to me. Yes, it had changed, but in the end, it came back and it was better. It was a light piece again and it fit. I lost my best friend 2 years ago to the darkness. I think it was about 8 months that we didn’t cross a word. We were shadow pieces to each other, but the universe turned, as it always does. She is now the brightest piece on my board.
Everything finds its way out into the light in a very natural way, but we have to let it find it’s own way and take the form that it’s destined to. Maybe part of the journey is trusting that our hearts don’t love in vain. Perhaps we’re supposed to trust that in the pieces to find their way back and fit perfectly at the right time. It’s kind of like… baking. We must do what the recipe says and let it go. Let whatever you are baking sit in the dark as it make it’s way to what it needs to be. Like a pastry chef does, trust. Trust that the ingredients that you have placed into the things you love/want will blend the way that they need to while you do what you need to do in the light.
Trusting the stars,