I once met a banker, a Goldman Sachs banker, who was addicted to the Tila Tequila show. You know who you are.
I have met some very unattractive people who think that they are extremely attractive. Somehow, over time, I have come to believe them, a little.
I have been yelled at, pushed, and called a twat for a cab; this all happened before 8:30am and all I could think was WTF is a twat?
I once got dumped via IM. I was already in my 20s.
I accidentally said “that’s bullshit” in an interview; needless to say, I did not get the job offer.
My cousin’s biggest no-no was a serenading musician. She now lives with a ukulele player/singer.
I once met a girl who had more guys crying over her than the number of classes she was taking that semester. I was single that entire year.
Apparently, Ethiopian food is not hangover-friendly.
I overslept and missed finals—not once, twice, but three different times in college. I managed to be excused of all three incidents. Apparently, this meant that I was ready for the real world.
I have a friend who says it’s not prostitution if it’s over 10k. Welcome to finance.
This one time, in college—not band camp—we stole a sign from the cornfield roads and placed it in a friend’s bedroom.
I have been proposed to. Yes, it’s true. I said, “yes”. Unfortunately, we forgot it happened.
The most memorable thing my grandma ever told me was, “He’s a chicken shit.”
I have a friend: he’s French, he dances merengue, he cooks, he reads, and he’s dashing. He has it all. His favorite song? Call me maybe.
In college, there was a fire in the apartment complex where we lived. My friend ran out with his pants in hand because he was too excited to wait.
Before I met one of my best friends, he hated me. It all ended one night when I saw him alone and drunk smoking on his porch. I offered him a pizza. He’s loved me ever since.
I have spent a fourth of my adult life in costume. I have no intention of bringing this number down. Furthermore, the first time that I realized I was in love, I was dressed as a bee. I hope to take things up a notch for the next time.