As I mentioned in yesterday’s post, I have been feeling a little funny lately. A series of bullsh*t events has left me as confused as the New York weather. We’re half-way into June and I’m still wearing a coat. WTF?! Anyway, as I lay waiting for the confusion and boredom to put me to sleep last night, I came to the realization that what I have experienced in the last few weeks (or months really) has brought me to a better place—the place where you know what you don’t want.
I think I have always had a vague idea of what I wanted, but something has been in the way of that becoming clearer. You can guess all the things that a girl in her mid-20s would want: a dancing Baldwin, a career, a healthy balance, etc. However, I never knew where I wanted to draw the line at the things that I didn’t want. I think a part of me was scared to do so. What if I’m wrong? What if I claim a “no” where a “yes” should sit? And my favorite—what if I miss out?
I couldn’t understand my feelings because I don’t think it’s a process that I have indulged in much over the years. This past weekend, I drew the line and I liked it. It dawned on me that this was the reason that I was destined to watch the chaotic sh*t show (my mother strongly recommended that I stop swearing) that has been my life in the last few months. I have experienced a series of things that have changed my tolerance level and I am ready to say, “I don’t want X”—whatever I decide X to be.
It takes a boat-load of experiences and adventures to discover which things will make you happy. Unfortunately, the most important learning will be derived from those few stomach-turning events that will be included in that journey. You know which ones I’m talking about. In the end, it’s not only about knowing what you want that makes you feel more like yourself; it also comes in the acceptance that there are a list of things that you don’t want in your life. It’s not only being able to say, “I want to be this.” it’s being able to say, “I don’t want to be that.” I think it’ll take more guts to walk away from something you don’t want than to stay for something you do. So, first things first, kids.
Every time I’m stressing out about something that makes me uncomfortable, I have a friend that reminds me that this is good: “Your internal alarm is going off. This means that you know yourself well enough to recognize discomfort. Denial is not easy when you know yourself. This alarm is a good sign,” she says. So, maybe I’m on to something.
In the end, it comes down to growing a pair. Yes, a pair. Grow them, please, because you have to own your No’s to get your Yesses.
Besides, I recall being told that one of my most attractive looks was the assertive “No” face. Who knew a tough “No” could come from these sad eyes? Secret weapons, people. Get on it.
To those who have a little faith in destiny, this quote appeared in an article I was skimming through as I was finishing up this post: “The world belongs to those who know how to say no.” I’m telling you, the universe is on to us. Send those “No, Thank You’s” out.
Con Mucho Amor,