In catching up with friends this week, I kept running into the same theme—change. Ugh, I know, more change. When does it end?!
I have a story to share with you. Amanda is not happy with her life. She is not unhappy with it, but she’s… uncomfortably comfortable. Another word for it might be bored or how a boss of mine used to put it “she’s missing some jazz”. Now, if any of you have ever felt this, you know that Amanda can easily reason that things are just fine on some days. Notice that there is still a sense of “comfort” in her current status. It’s on random days, that she knows in her gut that she’s not as happy as she could be. If only emotional discomfort was physical, we’d all be looking for ways to heal it.
Now, this is fine and it happens to all of us, but here is when it becomes a problem: I asked Amanda where she wanted to be in 2 years and her response was far from where she is. Amanda would like to be happily married and owning her own business. Amanda is currently in a relationship she does not want to be in and knows nothing of the industry that she would like to dive into.
In an attempt to make things less complicated, let’s call Amanda’s current state of being “person A.” What we all need to realize is that “person A” follows “format A.” This is the format in which she runs her life to keep “person A” in tact. This includes staying with someone she doesn’t necessarily see a future with, sticking to a job she doesn’t want to continue to pursue while not exposing herself to the new content she wishes she could dive into. She’s scared and complacent (she’s normal).
Amanda would like to be Amanda B. She would like a different kind of life, but doesn’t realize that the format she refuses to change prevents that from happening. If we want to change our lives, we need to take different steps. She needs to start following “format b”, which eventually gives birth to “person b.”
Unfortunately, many of us wait until we’re extremely unhappy to even consider this and by then, the process becomes a little more painful. I know what it feels like to be somewhat comfortable in a situation and think, “why mess things up now?” Well, the reality of it is that if you want your life to be different in a year or two, you’re going to need to start taking baby steps to that life now.
Much like an AA or weight loss program, the results come in time. The desire to change and to improve sectors of our lives require that we change the format that is running them. It’s just as simple as that, folks. I’m saying this because I’ve had to do it myself.
I decided two years ago that I wanted to be a writer. Since then, I’ve slowly been absorbing the information and discipline that I need to do that. It’s taken a great deal of time, but I finally have the life that I wanted. I am finally person B and though I’m not perfect and there are still things I want to change. I am happy now.
This might possibly be the most complicated post that I’ve ever written and I apologize for all the terms that I included, but if you take something with you, please just understand that if you want a different life or if you want to be a different kind of person, the format has to change. There is no “fat-free” in life.
If you have moment today, take a pen to write out who you are now vs. who you’d like to be in next year. Don’t feel guilty & don’t beat yourself up. Learn to be honest with yourself. We’re never going to be perfect, but the journey is about always working on something and learning to enjoy the growth.
In writing out where you’d like to be, notice the small changes that you can begin make. Please note the desire to want something else. It’s hard to lie to yourself when you have chart staring back at you. Highlight the ones that you are desperately trying to avoid. Those, my friends, are the key to reaching point B. It’s the scary jumps that take you the farthest. I know you hate me for saying it, but it’s true.
In the end, it’s very simple, … do you want to grow or not? Maybe, that’s the part you have to figure out first.
On to the next one, kids.